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Setting Boundaries: Who Controls the Conversation?
The discourse presented in this podcast episode elucidates the intricate dynamics of social boundaries, particularly in the context of conversation topics during group gatherings. Central to our discussion is the question of personal responsibility regarding the continuation or cessation of dialogue that may be deemed uncomfortable or inappropriate. We explore the nuanced expectations placed upon individuals to either excuse themselves from such discussions or to assert their personal boundaries when faced with unwanted topics. This leads us to contemplate the significance of location and context, as those who host gatherings possess the prerogative to establish conversational norms within their premises. Ultimately, we underscore the vital importance of mutual respect and understanding in navigating these delicate interpersonal situations.
Takeaways:
- In group settings, if a topic arises that one finds uncomfortable, it is advisable to excuse oneself from the discussion gracefully.
- Respecting boundaries is paramount; if a subject is deemed inappropriate, participants should refrain from introducing it.
- When in another person's home, it is essential to adhere to their established boundaries regarding conversation topics.
- Individuals must recognize that they are not obligated to engage in discussions that they find unpalatable or objectionable.
- The dynamics of conversation can shift significantly based on the location and the relationships among participants.
- It is important to approach discussions around spirituality and religion with sensitivity, recognizing differing beliefs and practices.
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Transcript
Now, Rafiki, what if you're at someone's out house and the group starts talking about that?
Speaker A:Is it their job to stop talking about that, or is it your job to excuse yourself from.
Speaker A:From said space?
Speaker B:Well, I mean.
Speaker B:I mean, if there's a.
Speaker B:A.
Speaker B:A bunch of people and they're all sitting there talking about it, I can get up and leave.
Speaker B:I don't have to partake in.
Speaker A:Yeah, but they got some people that think, hey, I don't like talking about this subject, so y' all need to change the subject.
Speaker B:And that's where that person.
Speaker B:Even though.
Speaker B:Because you gotta understand, if you're.
Speaker B:If it's one on one, it's a different story.
Speaker B:But if you're in a group setting and there's a bunch of people around, rather be friends or rather be family.
Speaker B:If the topic ain't supposed to be brought up, don't bring it up.
Speaker B:But if it gets brought up, just remove yourself from it.
Speaker A:So if.
Speaker A:So if you bring up a topic and a group turns around and say, hey, we don't talk about that, then
Speaker B:I quit talking about it.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:Correct.
Speaker A:But some people would say, you know, who are y' all to tell me what I can and can't talk about?
Speaker B:And again, that's when you just remove yourself from the whole situation.
Speaker A:Now check this out.
Speaker A:But if that group was in, like, going.
Speaker A:Using mental.
Speaker A:If that group was in my home, I can then say that.
Speaker A:So it kind of depends on location, doesn't it?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:If.
Speaker B:If it's in my home, I set the boundaries.
Speaker B:If.
Speaker B:If.
Speaker B:If.
Speaker B:If I miss somebody else, I'm a guest there.
Speaker B:I have to respect their boundaries.
Speaker A:Hey, you know what just came to mind?
Speaker A:I remember when I was young and like a teenager, and I was.
Speaker A:And I was.
Speaker A:My mom would want me to drive around and all that stuff.
Speaker A:We actually had a boundary.
Speaker A:Whoever drives the car controls to the radio.
Speaker A:Hey, so I had my mama riding around listening to Easy and nwa.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Then I would turn and say, hey, you wanted me to drive, didn't you?
Speaker B:That's your boundary.
Speaker A:Hey, that's your.
Speaker A:That was her rule.
Speaker A:Oh, when you drive, I gotta sit up here and listen to news all day long.
Speaker A:That's the right.
Speaker A:Oh, man.
Speaker A:All right, what was the next one on your list there, Rafiki?
Speaker B:Spiritual or religious?
Speaker B:Oh, and this one here is a deep one.
Speaker B:It could go many different directions due to the simple fact that a lot of people are actually looking for this podcast.
Speaker B:So, you know, as far as the spiritual side, I'm just gonna put Throw this out there.
Speaker B:Good examples would be like if you, if you know for a fact that you can speak to the dead and you can speak to spirits and things like that, and you got them coming to you all the time.
Speaker B:You got to literally sit there and talk to your gatekeeper.
Speaker B:Tell your gatekeeper at this hours, you know, you literally gotta sit there and talk to him and communicate.
Speaker B:When I'm in the bathroom, don't bother me.
Speaker B:When I'm sleeping, don't bother me.
Speaker B:When I'm driving, don't bother me.
Speaker B:That's my personal time.
Speaker B:Other than that, I'm.
Speaker B:I'm open game.
Speaker B:But here's the thing about it is be respectful.
Speaker B:Come to me one at a time.
Speaker B:Don't come to me in a whole group.
Speaker A:All right?
Speaker B:Now, as far as the religious side aspect of it, if people are trying to push the issue on you, don't allow them.
Speaker A:I have a question for you, mental.
Speaker A:Who do you think, when it comes to religion, who do you think is the biggest habitual line stepper of them all?
Speaker C:Are we talking about an individual or like a set?
Speaker A:The, the, the.
Speaker A:Out of the religions.
Speaker A:You got the Muslims, you got the Jews, you got the Christians, you got the 5 percenters, you got the, you know, Israelites, you got.
Speaker A:Insert your mainstream traditional.
Speaker A:You got your Hindus, you got your Harry Krishnas, you got your Mormons.
Speaker A:Hey, you got your.
Speaker A:Who the people that be knocking on the door on Saturday.
Speaker C:I was thinking about them.
Speaker A:I was about Jehovah Witness.
Speaker A:Jehovah Witness.
Speaker C:That's what I was thinking of.
Speaker C:That's what I was about to say them right there because they actually coming to your house,
Speaker A:So.
Speaker C:Oh, and that's kind of.
Speaker C:And that's kind of.
Speaker C:I mean, if you think about it, that's actually forcing their God on whoever door they knock on.
Speaker B:Oh, see, I can, I can actually say this too, because I know when I used to be.
Speaker B:Yes, Rafiki used to be an ex minister, I used to go out door to door.
Speaker B:So I would actually throw that actually in a, In a category of Jehovah Witnesses.
Speaker B:Certain types of Christians.
Speaker B:When I say certain types, you got your Pentecostals.
Speaker A:Who's the guys that.
Speaker A:Who's the guys that ride the bike?
Speaker A:This ain't that.
Speaker A:The Mormon.
Speaker B:Mormons.
Speaker B:You got the Mormons.
Speaker B:I was about to throw them in there.
Speaker B:They also go door to door or they try to talk to you on the streets about.
Speaker A:So, so, so you say those two are the biggest physical space, personal space,
Speaker B:physically lines where I was actually going to Go with this is I used to go door to door to try to minister the word to people or I used to even go to town and actually set up a.
Speaker B:A you know, every Sunday I'd set up a booth and I literally start preaching the word or we'll have some type of minister preaching the word and people would be walking up to people and trying to get them to come and this that so Christians.
Speaker B:I would, I would have to throw Christians in there and say that they will force or try to force their beliefs upon you.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Hey you know what I heard yesterday?
Speaker A:Yesterday a lot heroes.
Speaker A:Happy Easter.
Speaker A:Now now everybody was telling me Happy Easter.
Speaker A:Aren't they for you don't think they was forcing their stuff on me.
Speaker A:Yeah, hey, they were forcing.
Speaker A:They was forcing a mental response out of me.
Speaker B:Well see I'm about ready to throw this out out there on you.
Speaker B:When you have someone say that they that they're going to pray for you and they didn't give you permission and you pray for them anyways, you cross that boundary due to the simple fact that you're forcing your prayers AKA possible curses upon them.
Speaker B:So we have to.
Speaker B:Christians really going to have to grab a hold of this.
Speaker B:I'm sorry that I'm going this route but Christians are really going to have to grab a hold of the concept of is that you cannot force yourself onto anybody.
Speaker B:That's not how it was.
Speaker C:They don't care Rafiki.
Speaker C:And you know they don't care.
Speaker B:Well why you say that one way or another?
Speaker B:Because is
Speaker C:the biggest influential religion sect that there is in my opinion every holiday damn near is it is is if it wasn't tied up for with a murder is.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker C:It's a Christian belief.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker C:And every holiday that comes around they're going to say happy said in insert holiday.
Speaker C:And and if you don't believe in that or if you are of another religious sick, what do you do?
Speaker C:You have to put your boundaries up.
Speaker C:Ain't this episode of Boundaries you got to put your boundaries up.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:Hey, why am I called a Scrooge?
Speaker A:Just because I don't celebrate Christmas, right?
Speaker A:Why I gotta get called a negative?
Speaker A:Just because if I don't support your your belief on little baby Jesus being born on the December 25th.
Speaker A:But you know, hey,
