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Non-Negotiable Boundaries: Defining Your Comfort Zones
The principal theme of this podcast episode revolves around the concept of personal boundaries, particularly emphasizing their significance in physical, emotional, and mental contexts. We delve into the nuances of establishing and maintaining these boundaries, illustrating with examples how individuals can assert their personal space and emotional state amidst social interactions. The discussion further explores the intricacies of mental boundaries, highlighting the necessity of communicating one’s preferences regarding topics of conversation and emotional engagement. Throughout our dialogue, we underscore the importance of respecting both personal and others' boundaries as a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships. Ultimately, this episode serves as a guide to recognizing and articulating one’s limits, which is essential for personal well-being and social harmony.
Takeaways:
- The first boundary discussed pertains to physical proximity, necessitating personal space.
- Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining one's emotional and mental well-being.
- Communicating one's discomfort is crucial when others encroach upon personal space.
- Effective boundaries help prevent unnecessary conflicts in interpersonal relationships.
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Transcript
You say the first one is what you're physical.
Speaker A:What would example of that be?
Speaker A:Would that be like someone giving.
Speaker A:Hey, you allowing somebody.
Speaker A:Hey, you only can get three feet in front of around me.
Speaker A:If you get too close, hey, I'm be saying, back up.
Speaker B:That could be one.
Speaker B:Or it could be as far as what you could do with your body.
Speaker B:As far as, like, lifting weights, as far as walking.
Speaker B:How, you know, you give yourself a.
Speaker B:You know, a boundary.
Speaker B:Okay, I'm gonna walk this many miles a day, or I'm gonna set a goal and do this to help my body out.
Speaker A:I got a question for you too, Mental.
Speaker A:Mental.
Speaker A:I ask you a question.
Speaker A:Are you a hugger
Speaker C:to my lady?
Speaker C:Yo.
Speaker A:No, not to you.
Speaker A:I got that.
Speaker A:But, like, you know how they got.
Speaker A:You know how they got people that every time you.
Speaker A:Hey, they see you, they want to hug you?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Are you.
Speaker A:You that.
Speaker C:No.
Speaker A:How about you, Rafiq?
Speaker B:Nope.
Speaker A:So what.
Speaker A:What, is it rude if we come across a hugger who tries to come hug us and.
Speaker A:And we say, hey, Nah, back up.
Speaker B:No, it's not rude.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's your personal boundary that you set.
Speaker A:Have you ever said that, Mental?
Speaker A:Have you ever said somebody ever came to hug you and you've been like, nah, I don't.
Speaker A:I don't do that.
Speaker B:Yeah, I've said it.
Speaker C:See, that's the thing.
Speaker C:Like, the people that.
Speaker C:That.
Speaker C:That have done that, I wouldn't mind a hug from them, but, like, stranger, somebody I know, just a random person.
Speaker C:It's never happened for me to say that.
Speaker C:Yeah, I've done it.
Speaker C:But if it was to happen, I probably would, like.
Speaker C:Nah.
Speaker C:Because I. I don't.
Speaker C:I don't.
Speaker C:I don't mess with strangers like that.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:What if it's somebody that you knew in high school, Y' all was acquaintances.
Speaker A:Now, fast forward 15 years later, you see Buddy in the mall, and he see him.
Speaker A:He see you and he walking towards you.
Speaker A:You know how you do the dap and you know, get.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:How you dap and kind of do the little semi hood, like, hey, man, what's up, man?
Speaker A:Long time no see.
Speaker A:What.
Speaker A:What is that.
Speaker C:Again?
Speaker C:I mean, you know, again, again.
Speaker C:If.
Speaker C:If I allow that to happen.
Speaker C:We cool?
Speaker A:Rafiki, do you ever.
Speaker A:You ever see somebody say, hey, Nah, I don't do the hug stuff.
Speaker A:Back up.
Speaker A:Leave me alone?
Speaker B:Yeah, I've done it.
Speaker B:I've done it.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:And what was the reaction?
Speaker A:What was the other person.
Speaker A:What was the other person's Reaction to you.
Speaker B:And I'm.
Speaker B:And I'm.
Speaker B:And I'm trying to tell you.
Speaker B:What do you mean?
Speaker B:We used to do this all the time.
Speaker B:Well, that's.
Speaker B:That's because we was children.
Speaker B:We was teenagers.
Speaker A:Did they get adults now?
Speaker A:Did they get mad?
Speaker B:No, they understood.
Speaker A:Well, that was a good friend.
Speaker A:Because sometimes people will feel some type of way.
Speaker A:What's number two?
Speaker B:I mean, now, if they walk away and they say something, hey, I don't hear it.
Speaker A:All right, what was number two on that list?
Speaker B:Your emotional state and your mental state.
Speaker A:All right, so what would example of boundary for emotional state be?
Speaker B:Like, if you're angry, you.
Speaker B:You have the right to tell somebody, hey, look, I'm not in the mood right now.
Speaker B:I advise you to back out.
Speaker B:Now.
Speaker B:If they choose to proceed, then whatever happens, happens.
Speaker B:But you gave him at least that warning.
Speaker A:Hey, man, give me 50ft.
Speaker A:I ain't in the right move, you know?
Speaker B:But me, I have tried to walk away, and I've had people try to follow me.
Speaker B:I'm like, look, you need to back off.
Speaker B:If you don't back off, something's bad going to happen.
Speaker B:And if they don't back off and they pursue it, you know, in the past, I probably would get physical.
Speaker B:So I'm trying to.
Speaker B:That's one of the ones that I'm working on with the emotional.
Speaker B:Because the emotional, it can go very different, very directions.
Speaker B:I mean, I'm starting to learn now that you can actually stop and think and actually read what's actually going on.
Speaker B:And not everybody wants to do that.
Speaker B:They don't want to stop and actually read the body language, because if the body language is off, that's my cue to back out.
Speaker A:Mental.
Speaker A:Do you have an example of a mental boundary?
Speaker C:When Rafiki first said it, I thought about the example he just gave about when, you know, when you're upset or something, somebody come try to, you know, get in your space.
Speaker C:Hey, I ain't in the mood right now.
Speaker C:That's.
Speaker C:That's exactly what I was thinking about.
Speaker C:But something other than that, I don't think I have anything.
Speaker B:What would y' all say for the mental state, though?
Speaker B:Give me an example for that.
Speaker C:I.
Speaker A:That's why I was asking him.
Speaker A:I. I think I may have one.
Speaker A:What if somebody wants to keep talking to you about a subject that you don't want to talk about?
Speaker B:If they keep digging it and keep digging it, they're.
Speaker B:They're gonna.
Speaker B:Either way.
Speaker B:If I keep telling them no and they keep pursuing it, and then I Tell them this right here.
Speaker B:Careful what you ask for because you might get the truth and the truth might hurt you.
Speaker B:That's on them.
Speaker B:Yeah, let's see what, but see what people do, they try to get into your, your mental space.
Speaker B:They keep trying to mess with your mental state to get you upset.
Speaker A:Yeah, I was being a little bit more simpler than that though.
Speaker A:Hey, what if somebody loves talking about sports and you, you don't watch sports?
Speaker C:Whose platform are we on?
Speaker C:Are we on their platform or our own platform?
Speaker C:Is this going down?
Speaker C:Because if it's on their platform, I just, I'll just get off of their platform.
Speaker A:Well, what if you had.
Speaker A:I'm, I'm not really talking online.
Speaker A:I'm talking like on the streets.
Speaker A:On the streets, your friend or your friend, you know, somebody, you gotta say, hey, you at work and a co worker keeps trying to talk to you about sports.
Speaker C:I don't watch sports.
Speaker C:I mean the first, the first time if, if you don't mess with sports like that, I think the first time anything comes up that you're not comfortable with, you should let the other party know where you stand on it.
Speaker C:If you don't, if you don't watch sports.
Speaker C:First time they come up to me asking about sports, hey man, I don't watch sports.
Speaker C:Now if they continue after that, you know, hey, I told you once before, I don't like sports.
Speaker A:So is you think that's a proper example of putting a mental boundary?
Speaker B:I would say yeah, yeah.
Speaker C:Because I'm letting you know, hey, mentally, I don't with this, you know, but I mean, hey, you now know in your mental.
Speaker C:From the first time that you approach me on some sports, hey, I don't, I don't, I don't take part in that.
Speaker C:Now you have it.
Speaker C:You come back again.
Speaker C:Now you're doing it.
Speaker C:You're, you're, you're intentionally.
Speaker C:Hopefully you forgot.
Speaker A:So could we say a mental boundary would be the subjects or topics you engage and don't engage in.
Speaker B:I would say something to the effect of this because this is actually wanted to actually boundaries that.
Speaker B:See that I was gonna mention there are non negotiable boundaries that, that we set.
Speaker B:And I feel if you have that boundary that you don't talk about sports, politics or religion, you speak that up and you literally say the words, these are non negotiable.
Speaker B:You tell them flat out, this is for my mental state as well, and it's non negotiable.
